Some important things about friendship

Hola!

I've been thinking a lot about things I have learned about friendship recently...and today is Friendship Day, so it's perfect timing.  I think part of the reason that this is happening is because this August has some big things.  Today I met one of my best friends 10 years ago exactly, and this month two of my closest college friends are leaving the U.S. to do some great things.  I will miss both dearly, but the opportunities they have are amazing and I'm excited  to see how those turn out. :)

(I wanted to post a picture of minion friends-I haven't done a minion picture for a few posts-but the internet and computer I'm using are on their last limbs so just getting this posted is gonna be hard, without trying to put in a picture.  Sorry :( )

Anyway, there are two things about friendship in particular that I've been reflecting on that I want to share.

The first is a lesson that has been a struggle for me throughout my life but I think I may finally be learning it.  It's about quality versus quantity.  Yes, most of my life I have had a couple of friends that I have considered to be my "best friends" if you will...and they are amazing.  However, selfishly...that has not been enough for me.  In my life I have felt this need to have the most friends, to be considered "popular".  I admit, there were some points in school where I was the "desparate wannabe"...hanging around the cool kids hoping that they would accept me and I would get to partake in that popularity, ignoring the fact that many of them wanted nothing to do with me, and made a fool of myself trying to fit in.  Worst of all, there are a couple of times where I threw real (but not as cool) friends under the bus to get those other people to accept me.  How successful was I?  Not at all.  Generally, I have felt lonelier after.  Most of the real friends I had at those times took me back, but it wasn't an easy process. 

In college I had a similar feeling: that because I didn't have 938948392840, I was a loser, or something like that.  This feeling trickled into my first year in the "real world" as well.  Recently, it has really started to hit exactly how lonely that life is: sure, you may have a ton of friends, but you don't get the chance to know your friends as well.  In turn, people don't have time to get to know you.  Then, when you need a friend to rely on..they aren't there.  In my case, there are those people there, but I've looked for more and sometimes taken those people for granted.  This is stopping now.  I have been learning who my true friends are and will stick with them.  I still like having other people as acquaintances, but I'm excited to start really treasuring friendships with people that matter.  For those in a similar situation...being the most popular person is generally not all it's cracked up to be-at least from what I have observed.

The second thing I wanted to talk about was something I've been hearing recently from a few people (none of whom know each other-kind of crazy how universal some issues are at times).  It's about the give and take in friendship, particularly as we are settling into life after college. A few people I know have shared with me how since they've graduated, they feel like their friends are pulling away-not responding to outreaches of friendship, or making efforts of their own.  In some cases, this may be justified.  If a friendship is starting to feel more like work than anything...it's time to let it go.  However, my thought in a lot of these cases (and anyone that knows me is going to be shocked that I am saying this): just relax and let things happen naturally.  I feel awkward giving this advice, as I get anxious (sometimes very openly) when certain people don't text back in 3 hours (mostly guys I like, and yes this isn't a good way to handle this, but it's a story for another day).  But what I have noticed is that while I don't stay in touch with many of my close friends as much as I did in college (going from daily interaction to weekly or monthly), we are still okay.  When I go to see them...it is like we have picked up where we left off.  Some people I have drifted apart from, and that's okay too.  You have to let go of those people so that there is room for you to develop amazing friendships with new people.  And yes, you will find great friends after college-they may be different and have different life stories and may even be not actually your age-but it's okay.  Life needs to have spontaneity to some degree.  Plus, in a friendship, just like a romantic relationship, sometimes you will be giving more, and sometimes they will-it's not always even.  This is okay too.  So to my friends that have shared this issue with me, and others having this: don't worry about it too much.  With all of the adult responsibilities we have, it's too much to expect the same type of communication we had in college.  It'll work itself out and if you listen to your instincts, you'll figure out which friendships will last.  Some will be predictable, and some will surprise you.  Embrace it.

Hope you take something from these thoughts.  And go hug a friend.  :)  Until next time!