Tonight is the last day of the Obama Presidency. For those on the East Coast (and just about in the Midwest), it is January 20.
Many scoff and think a lot of us are being overdramatic. That it's "just a change of power-we dealt with it eight years ago-grow up and deal with it too". A couple of things. First off, there were protests when Obama took office. But more important (as everyone has that right to protest), this isn't a normal change in Presidency. Had it been Ben Carson, John Kasich, Jeb Bush, or even Ted Cruz, things wouldn't be like this. This isn't just that our candidate lost. It's about being afraid of what this administration is proving to be capable of.
Cabinet appointees are far from qualified. Someone who couldn't remember the Energy Department is now running it, as will be someone who doesn't believe in public education will be heading the Education Department. Again, this goes far beyond partisan issues.
Furthermore...America chose someone who praises a Russian dictator and decries a civil rights leader. Someone who called Mexicans "rapists" the day he announced his candidacy. He bragged about assaulting women. He wants to build a wall that symbolizes hate, and would likely be paid for by us (and won't stop people from coming into the U.S.) He has said he wants to ban a religion from coming to the U.S. and has advocated the use of tactics that would be considered war crimes. He has also bragged about assaulting women. He can't give detailed plans for many of his ideas, and has already backed down from campaign promises. The list goes on and on. People are hoping he will resign or get impeached. Many people think that's great-but then we would get a man who supported the defunding of Planned Parenthood, a law where you can refuse business to people who identify with an orientation that isn't straight, and believes in conversion therapy.
This isn't normal. Don't let it be normal.
Many are scared. A lot of hate crimes have happened. People who have had hateful thoughts are coming out with this because they think it's okay. Today, I saw a motorcycle with a swastika on it. Others have seen far worse. Why are people scared?
People worry if their right to marry who they love will go away. If their health insurance will go away and have to go without life saving treatment.
They worry they will be discriminated by race or religion. That people won't take them seriously because of their gender.
They worry that we will go into needless wars and see our family and friends die fighting when it was unnecessary. They worry families will be broken up due to immigration issues.
Here is why I'm worried. I have wondered if I should share for awhile, but we need to know why we're fighting.
I worry about my non-straight friends. I am scared that they will be denied the right to love someone like I can. I have non-straight friends that are like family to me, and seeing that basic right go away is awful.
I worry that I could lose access to health insurance, due to having a pre-existing condition from a condition I was born with and is now better, but would still count. I worry about families that would not be able to afford insurance to take care of things like that, like my family was so fortunate to be able to-and honestly an outlier in that sense.
I worry that people like me, who have been victims of sexual assault, will be silenced, whether directly or because they just know that no one will take it seriously-that they will be blamed. I realize we still have that problem as I experienced it first hand. However, we have been making some progress with that, and I do not want to see it go backwards and have more people go through what I did.
Everyone's battles are mine too. We are in this together. It is okay to feel sad and lost right now. However, in whatever time frame you need, it is important to get out there and fight to be on the right side of history, and build on the progress that we have made.
In the words of Lin-Manuel Miranda: "Love is love is love". We need that to get through the fight.
Thursday, January 19, 2017
Thursday, December 22, 2016
Struggles of the millenial/post-campaign friendship
For those of you (all three of you) that have followed this blog since the beginning, yes, I did write about friendship two years ago. But ideas evolve and new experiences happen. And right now, it seems appropriate to write about it again.
I'm struggling with navigating friendships, particularly with the fact that most all of my good friends now live far away from me. I'm very thankful for all of the social media sites and cell phones that allow me to stay in contact with them, but it's still not easy. And a lot of that is with me.
During the campaign, I had heard of the "post-campaign lull" and mostly wrote that off as nonsense (sorry guys). But I am just now realizing how real that is. Yes, the election has been over for about 6 weeks, but this is the first time in that time I've actually really slowed down and had the blessing/curse of a ton of downtime to think about that. Coupled with the fact that I don't have a job, I really feel that lull right now. Not sure if it's just me or if others have noticed that.
What also is hard is that I love being in constant communication with people-more than most people probably want, which I feel guilty about. I feel like a needy friend almost all of the time right now. The thing is, texting and social media sites are perfect for someone like me that is both an extrovert and introvert: I have an easy way to talk to people, but can do it while by myself. PERFECT! Surely the problem is exacerbated by the fact that I have nothing but free time right now (which is hard for me to handle as I've always had school or a job my entire life-and have enjoyed that). But I get paranoid that if I am not having daily (or almost daily) contact with good friends, that it means our friendship is falling apart. Is that extreme? Probably. I know others do not feel that, which is probably way more healthy.
There is something I want to say other than bitching about my problems. And that is that I love my friends. I try to do whatever I can to help them, and want to be there whenever necessary (seriously, guys, you are the best. You know who you are). I'm sorry if I am overbearing-I just care. But to those of you that are still reading, love your friends. Do nice things. Listen to them. Hug them (if they like it that is-a laugh for those that are aware of my aversion to hugs). Also, if you have an issue with a friend-talk it out-it's better to take care of the problem now than let it blow up and possibly ruin the friendship. Trust me-making friends after you graduate is not as simple as it has been. Hold on to those you want to stay in touch with.
Any thoughts, feelings, etc you have on this, feel free to share via the Facebook comments or message me.
Love ya bye!
I'm struggling with navigating friendships, particularly with the fact that most all of my good friends now live far away from me. I'm very thankful for all of the social media sites and cell phones that allow me to stay in contact with them, but it's still not easy. And a lot of that is with me.
During the campaign, I had heard of the "post-campaign lull" and mostly wrote that off as nonsense (sorry guys). But I am just now realizing how real that is. Yes, the election has been over for about 6 weeks, but this is the first time in that time I've actually really slowed down and had the blessing/curse of a ton of downtime to think about that. Coupled with the fact that I don't have a job, I really feel that lull right now. Not sure if it's just me or if others have noticed that.
What also is hard is that I love being in constant communication with people-more than most people probably want, which I feel guilty about. I feel like a needy friend almost all of the time right now. The thing is, texting and social media sites are perfect for someone like me that is both an extrovert and introvert: I have an easy way to talk to people, but can do it while by myself. PERFECT! Surely the problem is exacerbated by the fact that I have nothing but free time right now (which is hard for me to handle as I've always had school or a job my entire life-and have enjoyed that). But I get paranoid that if I am not having daily (or almost daily) contact with good friends, that it means our friendship is falling apart. Is that extreme? Probably. I know others do not feel that, which is probably way more healthy.
There is something I want to say other than bitching about my problems. And that is that I love my friends. I try to do whatever I can to help them, and want to be there whenever necessary (seriously, guys, you are the best. You know who you are). I'm sorry if I am overbearing-I just care. But to those of you that are still reading, love your friends. Do nice things. Listen to them. Hug them (if they like it that is-a laugh for those that are aware of my aversion to hugs). Also, if you have an issue with a friend-talk it out-it's better to take care of the problem now than let it blow up and possibly ruin the friendship. Trust me-making friends after you graduate is not as simple as it has been. Hold on to those you want to stay in touch with.
Any thoughts, feelings, etc you have on this, feel free to share via the Facebook comments or message me.
Love ya bye!
Sunday, December 11, 2016
Everything is Grapes: My Time as a Field Organizer and Thoughts about the election
I've been meaning to write about Election 2016 for some time now, but it has taken me until now to really be prepared to do that. Tonight we are more then a month past the election. It seemed like a time so far away even on Election Day. Some things are just like I imagined it: Christmas decorations in the house, an NFL game on in the background, the possibility of snow on the horizon. Not everything is what I thought it would be, though. Of course, the biggest thing is that when the news talks about the White House Transition, Donald Trump is the President-Elect.
Part of what has prohibited me from writing about my feelings is that they are so broad. I suppose I will start with Election Night. When I sat down with my team of amazing organizers to watch the returns (and rejoice that the insanity of GOTV was FINALLY over), I was so excited and happy. We were about to elect the first female President of the United States! We were just hours away from celebrating the hard work that was our lives for the last several months! The images that played in our heads every day, that kept us going during the hardest times, were finally going to be real! And for the first hour or two, the feeling of excitement continued to fill the air. Sure, we were losing states but they were ones "to be expected"-it would be okay.
It was a little bit before 11pm when we started to get worried. It was looking like Hillary would be losing NC, FL, and OH-something that wasn't only bad in terms of winning, but also something we never thought would actually happen. I went to the car and called my mom and started to panic (and the first crying spell of many occured then as well). After getting a good pep talk from my also worried mom, I went back and watched what seemed to be a bad dream play out on my laptop. Until 12:30, we laid in the dark on blankets watching, and crying. As sad of an experience it was, I am glad I had my amazing co-workers there with me.
Me with my amazing co-workers!!
My other struggle that night was that I wanted to express my feelings by talking when none of the others did; but that is what texting is for (thanks Hilary, Michael, and Alex!). Once our team parted ways for the evening, I went home to my aunts house where I had been staying and watched the returns until 2:30, when CNN finally called PA for Trump. After that...I couldn't watch. I couldn't listen to the commentators fighting, or here the inevitable announcement that Trump was our next President. Waking up the next morning was like a hangover, but worse. That day was a continuous cycle of being okay for a bit, then being overwhelmed with sadness to the point that I wanted to go to bed and hide from it all. Even now, thinking about what happened is really hard sometimes.
As far as the questions of the year-how did this happen?-I don't think there is a simple answer to that. Sure, polling needs to improve to catch people that were missed. There is a divide between rural and urban that desperately needs to be addressed (that is for another blog though). The biggest factor I think, however, is hate. One of the most important lessons I learned in my time on the campaign is that hate is so prevalent in our society. People aren't seeing themselves in a position they wanted, and grow resentful towards others. Unfortunately for us, a candidate emerged that was able to harness and use that hate in such an incredible way. Worst of all, that candidate normalized hate, which is what makes some happy, and many, including myself, terrified.
When I listen to the news about the White House transition, I go between wanting to think that we will be okay, that it will all work out, and being truly worried. And I feel guilty about having both those feelings. At this point, I think the best thing to do is this:
-stay involved. I'm planning to volunteer more, and stay alert to what is happening. By staying involved, we can work towards making change again
-Love one another. Not just family and friends, but everyone. Show compassion to those around you.
-Most importantly-DO NOT NORMALIZE HATE. If crazy, hateful things are attempted, protest. If you see someone being hateful towards someone, STAND UP TO THAT HATE. We must speak up now-more than ever.
As to my personal experience on the campaign-I have been asked if I regret it. The answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT.
No, we didn't get the results we wanted, but we tried. The campaign staff and volunteers worked so hard for a cause that they believed in, and urged others to do the same. I couldn't be more proud of any of them, and gives me hope that there is a bright future ahead.
On a personal note, I learned so much about myself and feel like I truly grew as a person. I learned how to really push myself, to not quit until the job was done. I learned to think of multiple ways to solve problems. I learned how to work with so many different types of people. But most importantly, I learned that I truly can be passionate about something, and that it makes me happy. Before this campaign, I was in a job I was growing to hate, in a city that wasn't suitable for me (minus having my parents and dog there), and was overall miserable. While being a field organizer literally consumed my life, I was so happy. I met cool people and had a chance to make a different. I made many friends, a lot of which I know will stay for many years, a few of those are now some of the people I'm closest to.
Overall, working on the campaign and the results brought about every single emotion, and I could not be more thankful for such a life changing experience.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
5 things people should avoid that would make our world a better place
Hi!
I really am on a writing blog lately...seems more productive than just watching random things on TV. Anyway...I realize the title makes this sound like I am about to give another deep post about things I've learned about myself and all of that...but it's not. It's more humorous; however, I really do believe the things I'm about to say. Granted, I'm all for the "you do you" mantra (in the sense that you should do what you like to do and not worry about what others think), but I have noticed that for the sake of society, some things should be done (or not)
(And yes, a minion picture! Yay!)
Presented below...5 things we should avoid:
1) Listening to music with headphones while driving
It's sad how often I see people doing this, and it just seems unsafe. Granted, I realize cars and traffic are fairly loud, but it's so easy to zone out while wearing those. Plus, cars have stereo systems that are probably better quality...
2) Sitting on the lap of your significant other while in public
Yes, you two are cute together. But I DON'T NEED TO SEE THIS. I know that's not comfortable, and it's all being done as a sensual sort of thing. It's just awkward-maybe I'm oversensitive, but to me, it comes off as "I just wanna go punch the monkey with this person RIGHT NOW, but we're at the mall and this is the closest I can get without getting a nice misdemeanor" . If you want to do this at home or a friends house where you are all friends, go for it. But not at the pool or whatever. Please.
3) Holding up a line by making small talk with the worker helping you
One of the best parts of going to the East Coast to see family is that you generally don't deal with this. Why? Because it's socially unacceptable and I promise you'll get yelled at for it by other patrons. However, Colorado is a bit slower-paced and friendly and this is acceptable. Why can't we just order our coffee, pay the bill, and MOVE ON SO THE NEXT PERSON CAN ORDER AND NOT BE LATE TO WORK WHILE YOU SHARE THE STORY OF HOW YOUR KID DREW SUCH A CUTE PICTURE OF A BUTTERFLY. Ugh. I know the counter to this is that it's nice for the servers, but here's the thing: they're not going to remember you. They will remember the stress of the super long and backed up line you made, however. I'm all for being nice to the cashier-but by I mean saying "please" "thank you" knowing what you want when it's your turn, etc. Not telling a story that is likely boring to them. End rant.
4) Pretending you don't have any stupid guilty pleasures.
I say pretending because it's all a ruse. EVERYONE HAS ONE. Or two...or maybe three. I wish people would just admit them. It's kind of a fun conversation topic, and who knows, maybe the person you're talking to has the same one. Hey, now you have someone to gossip about Keeping Up With the Kardashians with! Case in point: I actually now enjoy Justin Bieber's music and find the gossip about him fun to follow. Yes, he's crazy. Oh well. Judge me all you want. But you have a guilty pleasure too. This world would be so much better if people were open about this and not overly pretentious.
5) Sit right next to someone on public transportation when there is still a lot of open sitting space left
PERSONAL. BOUNDARIES. And it just seems odd. I realize the bus is likely to get full and I will have to have sitting right by me eventually...but not now. Now stop creeping on my phone and sit over there.
If this was at all entertaining, let me know and I"ll do a part 2. I'm just too tired to do more than five. Also, feel free to share your thoughts-if you think these are great and that I should become the next Mindy Kaling or something, or if I"m a psycho that needs to stop :).
Night!
I really am on a writing blog lately...seems more productive than just watching random things on TV. Anyway...I realize the title makes this sound like I am about to give another deep post about things I've learned about myself and all of that...but it's not. It's more humorous; however, I really do believe the things I'm about to say. Granted, I'm all for the "you do you" mantra (in the sense that you should do what you like to do and not worry about what others think), but I have noticed that for the sake of society, some things should be done (or not)
Presented below...5 things we should avoid:
1) Listening to music with headphones while driving
It's sad how often I see people doing this, and it just seems unsafe. Granted, I realize cars and traffic are fairly loud, but it's so easy to zone out while wearing those. Plus, cars have stereo systems that are probably better quality...
2) Sitting on the lap of your significant other while in public
Yes, you two are cute together. But I DON'T NEED TO SEE THIS. I know that's not comfortable, and it's all being done as a sensual sort of thing. It's just awkward-maybe I'm oversensitive, but to me, it comes off as "I just wanna go punch the monkey with this person RIGHT NOW, but we're at the mall and this is the closest I can get without getting a nice misdemeanor" . If you want to do this at home or a friends house where you are all friends, go for it. But not at the pool or whatever. Please.
3) Holding up a line by making small talk with the worker helping you
One of the best parts of going to the East Coast to see family is that you generally don't deal with this. Why? Because it's socially unacceptable and I promise you'll get yelled at for it by other patrons. However, Colorado is a bit slower-paced and friendly and this is acceptable. Why can't we just order our coffee, pay the bill, and MOVE ON SO THE NEXT PERSON CAN ORDER AND NOT BE LATE TO WORK WHILE YOU SHARE THE STORY OF HOW YOUR KID DREW SUCH A CUTE PICTURE OF A BUTTERFLY. Ugh. I know the counter to this is that it's nice for the servers, but here's the thing: they're not going to remember you. They will remember the stress of the super long and backed up line you made, however. I'm all for being nice to the cashier-but by I mean saying "please" "thank you" knowing what you want when it's your turn, etc. Not telling a story that is likely boring to them. End rant.
4) Pretending you don't have any stupid guilty pleasures.
I say pretending because it's all a ruse. EVERYONE HAS ONE. Or two...or maybe three. I wish people would just admit them. It's kind of a fun conversation topic, and who knows, maybe the person you're talking to has the same one. Hey, now you have someone to gossip about Keeping Up With the Kardashians with! Case in point: I actually now enjoy Justin Bieber's music and find the gossip about him fun to follow. Yes, he's crazy. Oh well. Judge me all you want. But you have a guilty pleasure too. This world would be so much better if people were open about this and not overly pretentious.
5) Sit right next to someone on public transportation when there is still a lot of open sitting space left
PERSONAL. BOUNDARIES. And it just seems odd. I realize the bus is likely to get full and I will have to have sitting right by me eventually...but not now. Now stop creeping on my phone and sit over there.
If this was at all entertaining, let me know and I"ll do a part 2. I'm just too tired to do more than five. Also, feel free to share your thoughts-if you think these are great and that I should become the next Mindy Kaling or something, or if I"m a psycho that needs to stop :).
Night!
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Some important things about friendship
Hola!
I've been thinking a lot about things I have learned about friendship recently...and today is Friendship Day, so it's perfect timing. I think part of the reason that this is happening is because this August has some big things. Today I met one of my best friends 10 years ago exactly, and this month two of my closest college friends are leaving the U.S. to do some great things. I will miss both dearly, but the opportunities they have are amazing and I'm excited to see how those turn out. :)
(I wanted to post a picture of minion friends-I haven't done a minion picture for a few posts-but the internet and computer I'm using are on their last limbs so just getting this posted is gonna be hard, without trying to put in a picture. Sorry :( )
Anyway, there are two things about friendship in particular that I've been reflecting on that I want to share.
The first is a lesson that has been a struggle for me throughout my life but I think I may finally be learning it. It's about quality versus quantity. Yes, most of my life I have had a couple of friends that I have considered to be my "best friends" if you will...and they are amazing. However, selfishly...that has not been enough for me. In my life I have felt this need to have the most friends, to be considered "popular". I admit, there were some points in school where I was the "desparate wannabe"...hanging around the cool kids hoping that they would accept me and I would get to partake in that popularity, ignoring the fact that many of them wanted nothing to do with me, and made a fool of myself trying to fit in. Worst of all, there are a couple of times where I threw real (but not as cool) friends under the bus to get those other people to accept me. How successful was I? Not at all. Generally, I have felt lonelier after. Most of the real friends I had at those times took me back, but it wasn't an easy process.
In college I had a similar feeling: that because I didn't have 938948392840, I was a loser, or something like that. This feeling trickled into my first year in the "real world" as well. Recently, it has really started to hit exactly how lonely that life is: sure, you may have a ton of friends, but you don't get the chance to know your friends as well. In turn, people don't have time to get to know you. Then, when you need a friend to rely on..they aren't there. In my case, there are those people there, but I've looked for more and sometimes taken those people for granted. This is stopping now. I have been learning who my true friends are and will stick with them. I still like having other people as acquaintances, but I'm excited to start really treasuring friendships with people that matter. For those in a similar situation...being the most popular person is generally not all it's cracked up to be-at least from what I have observed.
The second thing I wanted to talk about was something I've been hearing recently from a few people (none of whom know each other-kind of crazy how universal some issues are at times). It's about the give and take in friendship, particularly as we are settling into life after college. A few people I know have shared with me how since they've graduated, they feel like their friends are pulling away-not responding to outreaches of friendship, or making efforts of their own. In some cases, this may be justified. If a friendship is starting to feel more like work than anything...it's time to let it go. However, my thought in a lot of these cases (and anyone that knows me is going to be shocked that I am saying this): just relax and let things happen naturally. I feel awkward giving this advice, as I get anxious (sometimes very openly) when certain people don't text back in 3 hours (mostly guys I like, and yes this isn't a good way to handle this, but it's a story for another day). But what I have noticed is that while I don't stay in touch with many of my close friends as much as I did in college (going from daily interaction to weekly or monthly), we are still okay. When I go to see them...it is like we have picked up where we left off. Some people I have drifted apart from, and that's okay too. You have to let go of those people so that there is room for you to develop amazing friendships with new people. And yes, you will find great friends after college-they may be different and have different life stories and may even be not actually your age-but it's okay. Life needs to have spontaneity to some degree. Plus, in a friendship, just like a romantic relationship, sometimes you will be giving more, and sometimes they will-it's not always even. This is okay too. So to my friends that have shared this issue with me, and others having this: don't worry about it too much. With all of the adult responsibilities we have, it's too much to expect the same type of communication we had in college. It'll work itself out and if you listen to your instincts, you'll figure out which friendships will last. Some will be predictable, and some will surprise you. Embrace it.
Hope you take something from these thoughts. And go hug a friend. :) Until next time!
I've been thinking a lot about things I have learned about friendship recently...and today is Friendship Day, so it's perfect timing. I think part of the reason that this is happening is because this August has some big things. Today I met one of my best friends 10 years ago exactly, and this month two of my closest college friends are leaving the U.S. to do some great things. I will miss both dearly, but the opportunities they have are amazing and I'm excited to see how those turn out. :)
(I wanted to post a picture of minion friends-I haven't done a minion picture for a few posts-but the internet and computer I'm using are on their last limbs so just getting this posted is gonna be hard, without trying to put in a picture. Sorry :( )
Anyway, there are two things about friendship in particular that I've been reflecting on that I want to share.
The first is a lesson that has been a struggle for me throughout my life but I think I may finally be learning it. It's about quality versus quantity. Yes, most of my life I have had a couple of friends that I have considered to be my "best friends" if you will...and they are amazing. However, selfishly...that has not been enough for me. In my life I have felt this need to have the most friends, to be considered "popular". I admit, there were some points in school where I was the "desparate wannabe"...hanging around the cool kids hoping that they would accept me and I would get to partake in that popularity, ignoring the fact that many of them wanted nothing to do with me, and made a fool of myself trying to fit in. Worst of all, there are a couple of times where I threw real (but not as cool) friends under the bus to get those other people to accept me. How successful was I? Not at all. Generally, I have felt lonelier after. Most of the real friends I had at those times took me back, but it wasn't an easy process.
In college I had a similar feeling: that because I didn't have 938948392840, I was a loser, or something like that. This feeling trickled into my first year in the "real world" as well. Recently, it has really started to hit exactly how lonely that life is: sure, you may have a ton of friends, but you don't get the chance to know your friends as well. In turn, people don't have time to get to know you. Then, when you need a friend to rely on..they aren't there. In my case, there are those people there, but I've looked for more and sometimes taken those people for granted. This is stopping now. I have been learning who my true friends are and will stick with them. I still like having other people as acquaintances, but I'm excited to start really treasuring friendships with people that matter. For those in a similar situation...being the most popular person is generally not all it's cracked up to be-at least from what I have observed.
The second thing I wanted to talk about was something I've been hearing recently from a few people (none of whom know each other-kind of crazy how universal some issues are at times). It's about the give and take in friendship, particularly as we are settling into life after college. A few people I know have shared with me how since they've graduated, they feel like their friends are pulling away-not responding to outreaches of friendship, or making efforts of their own. In some cases, this may be justified. If a friendship is starting to feel more like work than anything...it's time to let it go. However, my thought in a lot of these cases (and anyone that knows me is going to be shocked that I am saying this): just relax and let things happen naturally. I feel awkward giving this advice, as I get anxious (sometimes very openly) when certain people don't text back in 3 hours (mostly guys I like, and yes this isn't a good way to handle this, but it's a story for another day). But what I have noticed is that while I don't stay in touch with many of my close friends as much as I did in college (going from daily interaction to weekly or monthly), we are still okay. When I go to see them...it is like we have picked up where we left off. Some people I have drifted apart from, and that's okay too. You have to let go of those people so that there is room for you to develop amazing friendships with new people. And yes, you will find great friends after college-they may be different and have different life stories and may even be not actually your age-but it's okay. Life needs to have spontaneity to some degree. Plus, in a friendship, just like a romantic relationship, sometimes you will be giving more, and sometimes they will-it's not always even. This is okay too. So to my friends that have shared this issue with me, and others having this: don't worry about it too much. With all of the adult responsibilities we have, it's too much to expect the same type of communication we had in college. It'll work itself out and if you listen to your instincts, you'll figure out which friendships will last. Some will be predictable, and some will surprise you. Embrace it.
Hope you take something from these thoughts. And go hug a friend. :) Until next time!
Saturday, June 21, 2014
Taking life one step at a time
I apologize for not updating this in a long time...life has been crazy. Which is what this post is about. Not my life specifically, but things I have noticed about life for most of my post-grad friends.
Lately, I have been hearing a common theme when I talk to my friends and peers about life. There is a plague of uncertainty and fear of failure hanging in the air. I think this stems from a couple of things. First, this is seen (and somewhat correct) "make it or break it" point of our lives: what we do in these next few years sets the tone for our adult lives. We can either seize every opportunity we can to learn and grow and to constantly improve, setting and achieving goal after goal (career, love, or otherwise). This is when we will thrive and tend to obtain a longer-lasting sense of happiness and fulfillment. Or, we can sit around, thinking the opportunity we are waiting for is just around the corner...except it's not...it's here...now...and if it isn't noticed now, it's easy to miss and hard to get back.
This is where the fear of failure comes into play. In most people's cases (at least of the people I am close with), they want to be happy and to lead driven, purposeful lives. But the fear of failure is so strong that it stagnates that growth. Part of this, I think, is due to the fact that for many of us, this is the first time that we are solely responsible for our achievements (or lack thereof). In high school, achievements are primarily those of the individual, but parents, teachers, mentors, etc. also share some credit. They are looking out for the individual and will often be a "safety net" to prevent failure. College is very similar. In college, the idea that you can go out and change the world and anything is possible is very powerful-which is wonderful. However, oftentimes professors, advisors, and other faculty make it seem easier than it actually is, and that the world is ready to embrace these changes simply because they are the right thing to embrace. However, many of us that have graduated are learning the real world often isn't like that: there are many people who are completely okay with being stagnant in their lives and unwilling to accept change. Additionally, changing the world is very challenging. This reality can be overwhelming, which makes many give up completely because it seems impossible to do anything.
This applies to situations in everyday life as well: in one's career and relationships, and other aspects of life that are considered important. People start out with idealistic visions: to be a successful doctor, to be happily married with children, to obtain college friendships after everyone has gone separate ways. However, people soon realize that there are many steps between where they are at the beginning and the end result, which scares people into not trying at all, or going about their goals in ways that will not provide a lot of success.
I will admit now that I am guilty of this: I tend to get frustrated when I don't see the "quick result" of a goal. I see people that have achieved what I want to achieve, and get frustrated that I can't duplicate what they are presently doing, and tend to be self-destructive in my chances of succeeding in my goal, or not doing it at all.
So, what can we do to start achieving our goals, big or small? A solution that I like is by taking things one step at a time. It's still important to keep the ultimate goal in sight, but that will only be achieved by making smaller goals and constantly reaching those-one at a time, building up to the result you want. If it's being able to run a half marathon-start by running two miles without stopping. Wanting to be in a relationship with someone-start by talking to them and getting to know them. If you want a promotion-start by finishing current tasks with efficiency and high quality work. Maybe it's slower than you would like, but I am of the mind set that anything worth having takes effort-something that is very difficult to remember in today's instantaneous society.
This is not just advice for you, but for myself. If you're like me at all, it will be frustrating. But I think in the end it's worth it. Going out and achieving your goals and dreams on your own is very satisfying. Now is the perfect time to do this-so let's get started.
Lately, I have been hearing a common theme when I talk to my friends and peers about life. There is a plague of uncertainty and fear of failure hanging in the air. I think this stems from a couple of things. First, this is seen (and somewhat correct) "make it or break it" point of our lives: what we do in these next few years sets the tone for our adult lives. We can either seize every opportunity we can to learn and grow and to constantly improve, setting and achieving goal after goal (career, love, or otherwise). This is when we will thrive and tend to obtain a longer-lasting sense of happiness and fulfillment. Or, we can sit around, thinking the opportunity we are waiting for is just around the corner...except it's not...it's here...now...and if it isn't noticed now, it's easy to miss and hard to get back.
This is where the fear of failure comes into play. In most people's cases (at least of the people I am close with), they want to be happy and to lead driven, purposeful lives. But the fear of failure is so strong that it stagnates that growth. Part of this, I think, is due to the fact that for many of us, this is the first time that we are solely responsible for our achievements (or lack thereof). In high school, achievements are primarily those of the individual, but parents, teachers, mentors, etc. also share some credit. They are looking out for the individual and will often be a "safety net" to prevent failure. College is very similar. In college, the idea that you can go out and change the world and anything is possible is very powerful-which is wonderful. However, oftentimes professors, advisors, and other faculty make it seem easier than it actually is, and that the world is ready to embrace these changes simply because they are the right thing to embrace. However, many of us that have graduated are learning the real world often isn't like that: there are many people who are completely okay with being stagnant in their lives and unwilling to accept change. Additionally, changing the world is very challenging. This reality can be overwhelming, which makes many give up completely because it seems impossible to do anything.
This applies to situations in everyday life as well: in one's career and relationships, and other aspects of life that are considered important. People start out with idealistic visions: to be a successful doctor, to be happily married with children, to obtain college friendships after everyone has gone separate ways. However, people soon realize that there are many steps between where they are at the beginning and the end result, which scares people into not trying at all, or going about their goals in ways that will not provide a lot of success.
I will admit now that I am guilty of this: I tend to get frustrated when I don't see the "quick result" of a goal. I see people that have achieved what I want to achieve, and get frustrated that I can't duplicate what they are presently doing, and tend to be self-destructive in my chances of succeeding in my goal, or not doing it at all.
So, what can we do to start achieving our goals, big or small? A solution that I like is by taking things one step at a time. It's still important to keep the ultimate goal in sight, but that will only be achieved by making smaller goals and constantly reaching those-one at a time, building up to the result you want. If it's being able to run a half marathon-start by running two miles without stopping. Wanting to be in a relationship with someone-start by talking to them and getting to know them. If you want a promotion-start by finishing current tasks with efficiency and high quality work. Maybe it's slower than you would like, but I am of the mind set that anything worth having takes effort-something that is very difficult to remember in today's instantaneous society.
This is not just advice for you, but for myself. If you're like me at all, it will be frustrating. But I think in the end it's worth it. Going out and achieving your goals and dreams on your own is very satisfying. Now is the perfect time to do this-so let's get started.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
29 Things Twentysomethings need to Stop Worrying About Now...versus reality
Since I wrote a fairly depressing piece earlier this week, I am doing a semi humorous one now. So today I found an article on the Cosmo twitter page titled "29 Things Twentysomethings Need to Stop Worrying About Now". I admit, I am a sucker for these articles. I read them all. I wanted to see how many of them applied to me....and it was most of them, as I am sure many of you could guess. I could counter almost all of these-maybe it shows that I have some serious emotional issues, but hey. Below are the 29 things the article says we should NOT worry about...with how my reality actually is.
(but first, if you want the article, here it is: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/_mobile/celebrity/news/twentysomethings-stop-worrying
1. Keeping Up with What the Youngs are into: Okay, yes, some of it is stupid, and having a crush on Austin Mahone at my age seems a little creepy. But I'm not ready to be like my coworkers who have no clue what is happening with the Biebs. Not that he is my favorite...but it's the principle of the idea. I just can't yet.
2. What your friends have achieved relative to what you have achieved. Okay, go hang out with your friends who have moved to exciting places or have an income big enough for them to comfortably pay student loans, and listen to everyone gush on them. Then tell me that again. Granted, I like my job, but the pay and city are less than desirable.
3. Whether you've reached the goals in the appropriate timeframe that you dreamed up when you were 16 or even younger. Again, this might be easier if I didn't move back to where I was at 16. Regardless, I still wish I was top of my class at Harvard Law with 5 different beautiful men trying to get me to be theirs. Oh, and have awesome clothes.
4. Finding a boyfriend, if you're single. Easier said than done when it seems like everyone has someone (even people that you think have more issues than you), and you are surrounded by people 10 hours a day that think that you are a sorry person since you're 23 and not married. Is this The Help? WHY DO YOU JUDGE ME??
5. Settling down, if you're dating. N/A
6. Spending a crapload of money on travel. I wish, but I don't want to either sell myself on the streets at night/put myself in even more debt. Plus I'm pretty sure I could not get 9 days off as a new(ish) employee.
7. Spending a crapload of money on brunch. It is fun. As long as I can eat the rest of the week, I guess I can let this one go.
8. Being too addicted to social media. Well, at least it's not crack. But I might have fewer anxiety problems if I got away from this sometims.
9. Literally anything that has to do with text messages. The agony I put myself through this will probably give me a heart attack in 5 years. Not being responded to is one of the worst things.
10. Not making it to all of the parties you meant to go to. But if I start skipping, I might stop getting invited...and then I would have no one but Netflix. But Netflix is cool.
11. Decorating your apartment like a Grown Ass Woman. Oh the things I'll buy when I have a real income...until then, my roomie is awesome and her decor allows me to mask this. Just dn't go in my room.
12. Being skinnier. For me personally, I dub this #coloradoprobs. Where sometimes it seems like you are a fatty if you have more than 15% body fat and eat meat and processed foods (this is more true in Boulder).
13. Skipping yoga a few times. My work friend is trying to get me to go. I want to but I'm always busy or tired. One day...but I'm a horrible friend.
14. Feeling ashamed for temporarily living with your parents. (hides behind a bush) Go to the article to understand why. Live and learn right?
15. Not having plans on Friday or Saturday night. Again, not ready to be like my older co-workers...or worse, there's a couple that ALWAYS are out at dance clubs...and then I just feel sad.
16. Forgetting math. I'm kind of okay with this.
17. Sleeping with too many people. I don't do this, but it's because I don't want to be a slut. Plus I get too attached too quickly so this would just become a disaster. I do have a limit on the anxiety I will take, oddly enough.
18. Occasionally getting as drunk as you used to in college. I'm more concerned that my alcohol tolerance level is slowly but surely decreasing now that I can't get drunk multiple nights a week every week...once, I got drunk off of two glasses of wine. That was sad.
19. Still transitioning from "college wardrobe" to "on-trend young professional wardrobe". Yeah...I definitley blew a lot of savings on trying to do this. Still regret it.
20. What other people think about things that make you happy. First, that could have been worded better. Second, but doesn't knowing that others are judging you take the fun out of it for you?
21. Finding the career field you'll be working in for the rest of your life. As long as I have some direction in my early thirties...I'm good I guess.
22. How many friends you have. I'm actually becoming more okay with this. I'm learning that having fewer friends but ones that care about you is way better. I'm not a complete lost cause!
23. Losing touch with old friends you don't have fun with anymore. Getting better at this too-nice. But still...I hate being the one to end things.
24. When your boyfriend will propose. Oh, you thought I had a boyfriend? awesome!
25. Be
(but first, if you want the article, here it is: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/_mobile/celebrity/news/twentysomethings-stop-worrying
1. Keeping Up with What the Youngs are into: Okay, yes, some of it is stupid, and having a crush on Austin Mahone at my age seems a little creepy. But I'm not ready to be like my coworkers who have no clue what is happening with the Biebs. Not that he is my favorite...but it's the principle of the idea. I just can't yet.
2. What your friends have achieved relative to what you have achieved. Okay, go hang out with your friends who have moved to exciting places or have an income big enough for them to comfortably pay student loans, and listen to everyone gush on them. Then tell me that again. Granted, I like my job, but the pay and city are less than desirable.
3. Whether you've reached the goals in the appropriate timeframe that you dreamed up when you were 16 or even younger. Again, this might be easier if I didn't move back to where I was at 16. Regardless, I still wish I was top of my class at Harvard Law with 5 different beautiful men trying to get me to be theirs. Oh, and have awesome clothes.
4. Finding a boyfriend, if you're single. Easier said than done when it seems like everyone has someone (even people that you think have more issues than you), and you are surrounded by people 10 hours a day that think that you are a sorry person since you're 23 and not married. Is this The Help? WHY DO YOU JUDGE ME??
5. Settling down, if you're dating. N/A
6. Spending a crapload of money on travel. I wish, but I don't want to either sell myself on the streets at night/put myself in even more debt. Plus I'm pretty sure I could not get 9 days off as a new(ish) employee.
7. Spending a crapload of money on brunch. It is fun. As long as I can eat the rest of the week, I guess I can let this one go.
8. Being too addicted to social media. Well, at least it's not crack. But I might have fewer anxiety problems if I got away from this sometims.
9. Literally anything that has to do with text messages. The agony I put myself through this will probably give me a heart attack in 5 years. Not being responded to is one of the worst things.
10. Not making it to all of the parties you meant to go to. But if I start skipping, I might stop getting invited...and then I would have no one but Netflix. But Netflix is cool.
11. Decorating your apartment like a Grown Ass Woman. Oh the things I'll buy when I have a real income...until then, my roomie is awesome and her decor allows me to mask this. Just dn't go in my room.
12. Being skinnier. For me personally, I dub this #coloradoprobs. Where sometimes it seems like you are a fatty if you have more than 15% body fat and eat meat and processed foods (this is more true in Boulder).
13. Skipping yoga a few times. My work friend is trying to get me to go. I want to but I'm always busy or tired. One day...but I'm a horrible friend.
14. Feeling ashamed for temporarily living with your parents. (hides behind a bush) Go to the article to understand why. Live and learn right?
15. Not having plans on Friday or Saturday night. Again, not ready to be like my older co-workers...or worse, there's a couple that ALWAYS are out at dance clubs...and then I just feel sad.
16. Forgetting math. I'm kind of okay with this.
17. Sleeping with too many people. I don't do this, but it's because I don't want to be a slut. Plus I get too attached too quickly so this would just become a disaster. I do have a limit on the anxiety I will take, oddly enough.
18. Occasionally getting as drunk as you used to in college. I'm more concerned that my alcohol tolerance level is slowly but surely decreasing now that I can't get drunk multiple nights a week every week...once, I got drunk off of two glasses of wine. That was sad.
19. Still transitioning from "college wardrobe" to "on-trend young professional wardrobe". Yeah...I definitley blew a lot of savings on trying to do this. Still regret it.
20. What other people think about things that make you happy. First, that could have been worded better. Second, but doesn't knowing that others are judging you take the fun out of it for you?
21. Finding the career field you'll be working in for the rest of your life. As long as I have some direction in my early thirties...I'm good I guess.
22. How many friends you have. I'm actually becoming more okay with this. I'm learning that having fewer friends but ones that care about you is way better. I'm not a complete lost cause!
23. Losing touch with old friends you don't have fun with anymore. Getting better at this too-nice. But still...I hate being the one to end things.
24. When your boyfriend will propose. Oh, you thought I had a boyfriend? awesome!
25. Be
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