5 things people should avoid that would make our world a better place

Hi!

I really am on a writing blog lately...seems more productive than just watching random things on TV.  Anyway...I realize the title makes this sound like I am about to give another deep post about things I've learned about myself and all of that...but it's not.  It's more humorous; however, I really do believe the things I'm about to say.  Granted, I'm all for the "you do you" mantra (in the sense that you should do what you like to do and not worry about what others think), but I have noticed that for the sake of society, some things should be done (or not)

(And yes, a minion picture! Yay!)
Presented below...5 things we should avoid:

1) Listening to music with headphones while driving

It's sad how often I see people doing this, and it just seems unsafe.  Granted, I realize cars and traffic are fairly loud, but it's so easy to zone out while wearing those.  Plus, cars have stereo systems that are probably better quality...

2)  Sitting on the lap of your significant other while in public

Yes, you two are cute together.  But I DON'T NEED TO SEE THIS.  I know that's not comfortable, and it's all being done as a sensual sort of thing.  It's just awkward-maybe I'm oversensitive, but to  me, it comes off as "I just wanna go punch the monkey with this person RIGHT NOW, but we're at the mall and this is the closest I can get without getting a nice misdemeanor" .  If you want to do this at home or a friends house where you are all friends, go for it.  But not at the pool or whatever.  Please.

3) Holding up a line by making small talk with the worker helping you

One of the best parts of going to the East Coast to see family is that you generally don't deal with this.  Why? Because it's socially unacceptable and I promise you'll get yelled at for it by other patrons.  However, Colorado is a bit slower-paced and friendly and this is acceptable.  Why can't we just order our coffee, pay the bill, and MOVE ON SO THE NEXT PERSON CAN ORDER AND NOT BE LATE TO WORK WHILE YOU SHARE THE STORY OF HOW YOUR KID DREW SUCH A CUTE PICTURE OF A BUTTERFLY.  Ugh.  I know the counter to this is that it's nice for the servers, but here's the thing: they're not going to remember you.  They will remember the stress of the super long and backed up line you made, however.  I'm all for being nice to the cashier-but by I mean saying "please" "thank you" knowing what you want when it's your turn, etc.  Not telling a story that is likely boring to them.   End rant.

4) Pretending you don't have any stupid guilty pleasures.

I say pretending because it's all a ruse.  EVERYONE HAS ONE. Or two...or maybe three.  I wish people would just admit them.  It's kind of a fun conversation topic, and who knows, maybe the person you're talking to has the same one.  Hey, now you have someone to gossip about Keeping Up With the Kardashians with!  Case in point: I actually now enjoy Justin Bieber's music and find the gossip about him fun to follow.  Yes, he's crazy. Oh well.  Judge me all you want.  But you have a guilty pleasure too.  This world would be so much better if people were open about this and not overly pretentious. 

5) Sit right next to someone on public transportation when there is still a lot of open sitting space left

PERSONAL.  BOUNDARIES.  And it just seems odd.  I realize the bus is likely to get full and I will have to have sitting right by me eventually...but not now.  Now stop creeping on my phone and sit over there.

If this was at all entertaining, let me know and I"ll do a part 2.  I'm just too tired to do more than five.  Also, feel free to share your thoughts-if you think these are great and that I should become the next Mindy Kaling or something, or if I"m a psycho that needs to stop :).

Night!

Some important things about friendship

Hola!

I've been thinking a lot about things I have learned about friendship recently...and today is Friendship Day, so it's perfect timing.  I think part of the reason that this is happening is because this August has some big things.  Today I met one of my best friends 10 years ago exactly, and this month two of my closest college friends are leaving the U.S. to do some great things.  I will miss both dearly, but the opportunities they have are amazing and I'm excited  to see how those turn out. :)

(I wanted to post a picture of minion friends-I haven't done a minion picture for a few posts-but the internet and computer I'm using are on their last limbs so just getting this posted is gonna be hard, without trying to put in a picture.  Sorry :( )

Anyway, there are two things about friendship in particular that I've been reflecting on that I want to share.

The first is a lesson that has been a struggle for me throughout my life but I think I may finally be learning it.  It's about quality versus quantity.  Yes, most of my life I have had a couple of friends that I have considered to be my "best friends" if you will...and they are amazing.  However, selfishly...that has not been enough for me.  In my life I have felt this need to have the most friends, to be considered "popular".  I admit, there were some points in school where I was the "desparate wannabe"...hanging around the cool kids hoping that they would accept me and I would get to partake in that popularity, ignoring the fact that many of them wanted nothing to do with me, and made a fool of myself trying to fit in.  Worst of all, there are a couple of times where I threw real (but not as cool) friends under the bus to get those other people to accept me.  How successful was I?  Not at all.  Generally, I have felt lonelier after.  Most of the real friends I had at those times took me back, but it wasn't an easy process. 

In college I had a similar feeling: that because I didn't have 938948392840, I was a loser, or something like that.  This feeling trickled into my first year in the "real world" as well.  Recently, it has really started to hit exactly how lonely that life is: sure, you may have a ton of friends, but you don't get the chance to know your friends as well.  In turn, people don't have time to get to know you.  Then, when you need a friend to rely on..they aren't there.  In my case, there are those people there, but I've looked for more and sometimes taken those people for granted.  This is stopping now.  I have been learning who my true friends are and will stick with them.  I still like having other people as acquaintances, but I'm excited to start really treasuring friendships with people that matter.  For those in a similar situation...being the most popular person is generally not all it's cracked up to be-at least from what I have observed.

The second thing I wanted to talk about was something I've been hearing recently from a few people (none of whom know each other-kind of crazy how universal some issues are at times).  It's about the give and take in friendship, particularly as we are settling into life after college. A few people I know have shared with me how since they've graduated, they feel like their friends are pulling away-not responding to outreaches of friendship, or making efforts of their own.  In some cases, this may be justified.  If a friendship is starting to feel more like work than anything...it's time to let it go.  However, my thought in a lot of these cases (and anyone that knows me is going to be shocked that I am saying this): just relax and let things happen naturally.  I feel awkward giving this advice, as I get anxious (sometimes very openly) when certain people don't text back in 3 hours (mostly guys I like, and yes this isn't a good way to handle this, but it's a story for another day).  But what I have noticed is that while I don't stay in touch with many of my close friends as much as I did in college (going from daily interaction to weekly or monthly), we are still okay.  When I go to see them...it is like we have picked up where we left off.  Some people I have drifted apart from, and that's okay too.  You have to let go of those people so that there is room for you to develop amazing friendships with new people.  And yes, you will find great friends after college-they may be different and have different life stories and may even be not actually your age-but it's okay.  Life needs to have spontaneity to some degree.  Plus, in a friendship, just like a romantic relationship, sometimes you will be giving more, and sometimes they will-it's not always even.  This is okay too.  So to my friends that have shared this issue with me, and others having this: don't worry about it too much.  With all of the adult responsibilities we have, it's too much to expect the same type of communication we had in college.  It'll work itself out and if you listen to your instincts, you'll figure out which friendships will last.  Some will be predictable, and some will surprise you.  Embrace it.

Hope you take something from these thoughts.  And go hug a friend.  :)  Until next time!

Taking life one step at a time

I apologize for not updating this in a long time...life has been crazy.  Which is what this post is about.  Not my life specifically, but things I have noticed about life for most of my post-grad friends. 

Lately, I have been hearing a common theme when I talk to my friends and peers about life.  There is a plague of uncertainty and fear of failure hanging in the air.  I think this stems from a couple of things.  First, this is seen (and somewhat correct) "make it or break it" point of our lives: what we do in these next few years sets the tone for our adult lives.  We can either seize every opportunity we can to learn and grow and to constantly improve, setting and achieving goal after goal (career, love, or otherwise).  This is when we will thrive and tend to obtain a longer-lasting sense of happiness and fulfillment.  Or, we can sit around, thinking the opportunity we are waiting for is just around the corner...except it's not...it's here...now...and if it isn't noticed now, it's easy to miss and hard to get back. 

This is where the fear of failure comes into play.  In most people's cases (at least of the people I am close with), they want to be happy and to lead driven, purposeful lives.  But the fear of failure is so strong that it stagnates that growth.  Part of this, I think, is due to the fact that for many of us, this is the first time that we are solely responsible for our achievements (or lack thereof).  In high school, achievements are primarily those of the individual, but parents, teachers, mentors, etc. also share some credit.  They are looking out for the individual and will often be a "safety net" to prevent failure.  College is very similar.  In college, the idea that you can go out and change the world and anything is possible is very powerful-which is wonderful.  However, oftentimes professors, advisors, and other faculty make it seem easier than it actually is, and that the world is ready to embrace these changes simply because they are the right thing to embrace.  However, many of us that have graduated are learning the real world often isn't like that: there are many people who are completely okay with being stagnant in their lives and unwilling to accept change.  Additionally, changing the world is very challenging.  This reality can be overwhelming, which makes many give up completely because it seems impossible to do anything. 

This applies to situations in everyday life as well: in one's career and relationships, and other aspects of life that are considered important.  People start out with idealistic visions: to be a successful doctor, to be happily married with children, to obtain college friendships after everyone has gone separate ways.  However, people soon realize that there are many steps between where they are at the beginning and the end result, which scares people into not trying at all, or going about their goals in ways that will not provide a lot of success.

I will admit now that I am guilty of this: I tend to get frustrated when I don't see the "quick result" of a goal.  I see people that have achieved what I want to achieve, and get frustrated that I can't duplicate what they are presently doing, and tend to be self-destructive in my chances of succeeding in my goal, or not doing it at all. 

So, what can we do to start achieving our goals, big or small?  A solution that I like is by taking things one step at a time.  It's still important to keep the ultimate goal in sight, but that will only be achieved by making smaller goals and constantly reaching those-one at a time, building up to the result you want.  If it's being able to run a half marathon-start by running two miles without stopping.  Wanting to be in a relationship with someone-start by talking to them and getting to know them.  If you want a promotion-start by finishing current tasks with efficiency and high quality work.  Maybe it's slower than you would like, but I am of the mind set that anything worth having takes effort-something that is very difficult to remember in today's instantaneous society. 

This is not just advice for you, but for myself.  If you're like me at all, it will be frustrating.  But I think in the end it's worth it.  Going out and achieving your goals and dreams on your own is very satisfying. Now is the perfect time to do this-so let's get started. 

29 Things Twentysomethings need to Stop Worrying About Now...versus reality

Since I wrote a fairly depressing piece earlier this week, I am doing a semi humorous one now.  So today I found an article on the Cosmo twitter page titled "29 Things Twentysomethings Need to Stop Worrying About Now".  I admit, I am a sucker for these articles.  I read them all.  I wanted to see how many of them applied to me....and it was most of them, as I am sure many of you could guess.  I could counter almost all of these-maybe it shows that I have some serious emotional issues, but hey.  Below are the 29 things the article says we should NOT worry about...with how my reality actually is.

(but first, if you want the article, here it is: http://www.cosmopolitan.com/_mobile/celebrity/news/twentysomethings-stop-worrying

1. Keeping Up with What the Youngs are into:  Okay, yes, some of it is stupid, and having a crush on Austin Mahone at my age seems a little creepy.  But I'm not ready to be like my coworkers who have no clue what is happening with the Biebs.  Not that he is my favorite...but it's the principle of the idea.  I just can't yet.  

2. What your friends have achieved relative to what you have achieved.  Okay, go hang out with your friends who have moved to exciting places or have an income big enough for them to comfortably pay student loans, and listen to everyone gush on them.  Then tell me that again.  Granted, I like my job, but the pay and city are less than desirable.

3. Whether you've reached the goals in the appropriate timeframe that you dreamed up when you were 16 or even younger.  Again, this might be easier if I didn't move back to where I was at 16.  Regardless, I still wish I was top of my class at Harvard Law with 5 different beautiful men trying to get me to be theirs.  Oh, and have awesome clothes.

4. Finding a boyfriend, if you're single.  Easier said than done when it seems like everyone has someone (even people that you think have more issues than you), and you are surrounded by people 10 hours a day that think that you are a sorry person since you're 23 and not married.  Is this The Help?  WHY DO YOU JUDGE ME??

5.  Settling down, if you're dating.  N/A

6.  Spending a crapload of money on travel.  I wish, but I don't want to either sell myself on the streets at night/put myself in even more debt.  Plus I'm pretty sure I could not get 9 days off as a new(ish) employee.

7.  Spending a crapload of money on brunch.  It is fun.  As long as I can eat the rest of the week, I guess I can let this one go.

8.  Being too addicted to social media.  Well, at least it's not crack.  But I might have fewer anxiety problems if I got away from this sometims.

9.  Literally anything that has to do with text messages.  The agony I put myself through this will probably give me a heart attack in 5 years.  Not being responded to is one of the worst things.

10.  Not making it to all of the parties you meant to go to.  But if I start skipping, I might stop getting invited...and then I would have no one but Netflix.  But Netflix is cool.

11. Decorating your apartment like a Grown Ass Woman.  Oh the things I'll buy when I have a real income...until then, my roomie is awesome and her decor allows me to mask this.  Just dn't go in my room.

12.  Being skinnier.  For me personally, I dub this #coloradoprobs.  Where sometimes it seems like you are a fatty if you have more than 15% body fat and eat meat and processed foods (this is more true in Boulder).

13.  Skipping yoga a few times.  My work friend is trying to get me to go.  I want to but I'm always busy or tired.  One day...but I'm a horrible friend.

14.  Feeling ashamed for temporarily living with your parents.  (hides behind a bush) Go to the article to understand why.  Live and learn right?

15.  Not having plans on Friday or Saturday night.  Again, not ready to be like my older co-workers...or worse, there's a couple that ALWAYS are out at dance clubs...and then I just feel sad.

16.  Forgetting math.  I'm kind of okay with this.

17.  Sleeping with too many people.  I don't do this, but it's because I don't want to be a slut.  Plus I get too attached too quickly so this would just become a disaster.  I do have a limit on the anxiety I will take, oddly enough.

18.  Occasionally getting as drunk as you used to in college.  I'm more concerned that my alcohol tolerance level is slowly but surely decreasing now that I can't get drunk multiple nights a week every week...once, I got drunk off of two glasses of wine.  That was sad.

19.  Still transitioning from "college wardrobe" to "on-trend young professional wardrobe".  Yeah...I definitley blew a lot of savings on trying to do this.  Still regret it.

20.  What other people think about things that make you happy.  First, that could have been worded better.  Second, but doesn't knowing that others are judging you take the fun out of it for you?

21.  Finding the career field you'll be working in for the rest of your life.  As long as I have some direction in my early thirties...I'm good I guess.

22.  How many friends you have.  I'm actually becoming more okay with this.  I'm learning that having fewer friends but ones that care about you is way better.  I'm not a complete lost cause!

23.  Losing touch with old friends you don't have fun with anymore.  Getting better at this too-nice.  But still...I hate being the one to end things.

24.  When your boyfriend will propose.  Oh, you thought I had a boyfriend? awesome!

25.  Be

Getting out and escaping: #20somethingproblems

I used the hashtag in the title to demonstrate the irony/humor in this post.  It is so common for twenty somethings to be unhappy with where they are, where they grew up, and feeling a need to start somewhere new.  I am among this group of people.  This isn't necessarily a new feeling, but it is one that really hit hard for me today. 

The last several weeks have had a lot of drama and big changes in my life. This includes family, work, friends, and relationships.  In a sense, it feels like many aspects of my life are falling apart. Some of it I have no control over and am forced to just watch it happen.  In other cases, it is more or less my fault-for trusting and believing in people I do not know, and then being upset when it backfires on me.  For whatever reason, it has made me realize how much I need to get out of this town that has been home for most of my life (excluding college). 

In some ways, I feel bad for saying this.  Colorado Springs is a beautiful place, and there are some parts that are really cool.  I am near some people that I am very close to, which I am thankful for.  However...it's not enough anymore.  Too many of the people I love are no longer here.  More importantly, there is a mentality in the majority of the people here that I just can't embrace.  It's hard to explain, but it's easy to feel.  It is time for a new adventure, to start somewhere new.  I will have to make new friends, but it is time for that.  I can't just sit and watch life go by.  It's time to start creating opportunities for myself-opportunities where my happiness can grow. 

Brene Brown's "The Power of Vulnerability"; struggling to accept a really powerful life lesson

Hello children! 

So I haven't written in awhile and I'm sorry.  Holidays, craziness and lack of ideas.  I would get an idea but it would just float away.  But then a Facebook post and comment thread between some of my closest friends inspired me.

So the title-it is an amazing TED talk that was shown to me back in August.  For me, it was really powerful.  Part of it was because I was at a vulnerable point in my life, and also because it just really hit home at a personal struggle I have had for as long as I can remember.  First, you should watch the video.  It's 20 minutes but it is so worth the time.  Here is the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCvmsMzlF7o

To sum up (if you don't have time to watch it right now-but you really should make time soon); a basic human struggle is allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable; without that vulnerability, we are sort of living a half-life.  Doing things like waiting for a certain call from the doctor, or the feeling before taking a huge risk-it scares many people; but learning to accept that in your life-while it will result in sadness and rejection at times, it makes the good news and events so much more exciting and life is far more fulfilling than hiding behind an iron curtain, emotionally. 

I have a huge problem with this; I will admit that I tend to avoid situation and learning some things because I am so terrified of a bad result; however, that lends me to live a life of fear, and one where I am depriving myself of the possibility of the most fulfilling type of life.  Listening to this talk the first time made me realize this; I watched it again, and a third time, within as many days.  I was determined to stop this cycle.

I revisited this video a few months later, and again today.  Unfortunately, this fear of vulnerability still lives with me every day, and I hate it; but throwing this curtain to the side seems like an impossible task.  After a lot of praying and meditation, I know this is what God is asking me to do; but it seems like too much. 

There have been a few occasions where I have "slipped" and allowed that vulnerability to come through.  But then I get scared and run back.  I become afraid that the people that saw that will dislike the person they just saw-that I am weak and need to become an adult and not let anything get to me. 

It does worry me that in this subconscious determination to remain behind  the iron curtain, I am distancing myself from the people I love, as well as preventing new people from coming in.  I know that by being brave and allowing myself to be exposed emotionally, no matter what the result is, will start letting me live a more fulfilling life.  But why can't I let myself do it?  Why is this fear so paralyzing?

If you are waiting for my epiphany...keep waiting.  Unfortunately, it is not something I have discovered yet.  Hopefully soon.  In the meantime, prayer and meditation, and a newly found exercise routine, have been helping me gather strength, both physically and emotionally.   Maybe one day soon it will come to me.